Sunday Night
Today was uncomfortably boring. The feeling of procrastination fell upon me because I have yet to read the required book for Honor's English. I feel devious for some odd reason. I feel like I am stabbing someone in the back. I don't know why I feel this way but it is making my stomach uneasy and my body cold. I'm sure that nothing is wrong.
My e-mail to Mana, finally went through today. The last time we talked, he had gotten my letter and said he would write me back. Since he is on tour with Moi Dix Mois until February, it will be a while till I get my letter. I also haven't recently talked with him on the phone. Matsuko and I can't seem to get ahold of him when in past experience's it was just the task of dialing his number to reach him. O well, I am sure he is under pressure due to his tour coming to the end and photo shoot's. He promised he would send me some new picture's of him, so I am eagerly waiting for those as well. But then again, he has promised me alot of random thing's. Thing's like introducing me to Toshiya from Dir en Grey, and Gackt and making me some of his special dinner's. I hope he fulfill's his promise, because if he does, he sure will make someone incredibly happy.
I desperately am in need of money. I am not in need of it because I am in some financial bind, I crave it. The urge to shop and buy a plethora of thing's that I would most likely be able to wear to school is calling me. The simple answer to all of this would be to get a job.......I don't know if I would be successful in a job. I guess a random video game store would suit me just fine, but the fact that I am not a people person would be a constant rain cloud, hovering over me. I guess I should start applying, because I know for a fact, the journey to find a job I would do well in will take some time.....

 * Music- Mindless Self Indulgence *

O good God, the Ultimatum has come up again. I dont know wether to go to Booker T Washington High School ( The Arts magnet School of Dallas ) or to stay at ........Lakeview -_-. My parents havent given me any encouragment , they are concerned about the fee that comes with the school and that I will fail because I dont study or some shit 9_9. I feel so drained from them!!!! If I do go , it will be a BIG CHANGEm, but if I dont go then there is the problem of me not becoming an actor. Since this is the ONLY Arts Magnet in Dallas, or in the metroplex, I am able to go to probably any art school in the United States. Basically thats someone sending me a ticket that says " Yes Blake, you are not able to go to NYU, Welcome ^_^" * Drools over the key board*. Those words ( besides " You got the part" ) are the most lustful words anyone  can say . hehehehehehe NYU is my dream! BUT my parents dont think that I can go .They think that I wont apply myself, I will drop out and other shit 0_0. But thats not the purpose of this latest weblog entry........ I DONT KNOW WHERE TO GO ! I mean, sure  I will be in the 11th grade, and yea it will be hard, but ITS SO PERFECT THERE! I went on a tour there once with a teacher, and I sat in a class. IT WAS SPLENDID! I mean, the people there are so intelligent, there isnt any steriotypical feelings that are even around the building. Its bliss. But my mother is ture and if I do go then that means I have to buckle down, and I mean...... WOW. My mother also informed me that " Colleges look at your GPA rather than if you went to an ARTS MAGNET" Ok, yea, so she is basically telling me that she dosent want me to go . I dont understand, why dosent she say so , it would make my decision a hell of a lot easier/

{ Music - Kittie- " SPIT" }

 Its 3:02 in the morning. A night of insomnia has drived me to the scitzophrenic state of writing you pathetic fuckers. I am angry  { hence the music }. I am angry becuase I cant fall asleep... You ask why I cant fall asleep? Its becuase of my god damn  " friends" I dont know why this all of a sudden came up, but apparently my friends have decided to casually decline on my scale. They are thinking of nothing but drinking. You pathetic individual clits! I hope that you rot in Hell! May Satan himself take you as his whore . Have your faced pressed against his genetailia and cover your eyes with his puberty hair! May you be fucked from every whole in your lying and decietful bodies! Its because of you  why I am not myself! Its because of YOU why I cant sleep at night. Its because of YOU why am the way I am . SO Goddamn you !!!!!! I dont care about my point on the grid of popularity. I dont care about what people think. I dont care what people think, and I dont care what people do ! You will all suffer in the end  and you will all fall! You will bow and kiss the dirt that embraces my foot. You disgust me . Fuck you with your embaressing lies and tendancies! Fuck you with your secrets that you have installed and wasted in my mind! May my army one day surpass yours! May my sword defeat you. May you be deprived of  your life that you in no right deserve. * This statment isnt made tward some of the individual friends that I have, but I wont tell who. I will leave you with you thinking that this pertains to yourself, but maybe it dosent. I guess the only thing that anyone can do is to be a better friend in all *